September is always such a bittersweet time of year for me and my family. It is one my favorite seasons but also very difficult as we remember both the birth and death of our daughter, Emma. She would have been 16 years old this year.
Sweet sixteen. I can't even imagine what she would be like as a teen. She was nine when she died so, of course, that is the way I remember her.
This time of year is hard but it is also good. Bittersweet. The sweetness is in the remembering. Sometimes it's hard to let yourself go there. And sometimes you feel uncomfortable remembering or talking about a lost loved one because you can tell it bothers those around you.
So you learn to keep it to yourself. But on those special days you have to allow yourself to feel the emotions and speak the memories. No matter who may feel uncomfortable.
She is my daughter and if she were still here I would be posting things about her and pictures of her and that would be okay. The thing is, though, that she is still here...in our hearts and memories. Her life still has a place in our family and we should be allowed to speak her name and share her life without feeling like we are crazy.
Dean and I were able to visit her grave today and I decided that I would give myself the freedom to remember. Today and always. Because the memories are sweet and keeping them hidden is bitter.