As I was washing the dishes for the second time today and thinking that I needed to go switch laundry for the third time, I had this thought...
Sometimes it seems as if my life is just a series of messes.
Seriously, I feel like I am constantly cleaning up a mess, looking at a mess, apologizing for a mess, thinking about a mess... it feels endless and hopeless. And I look at it all and wish that I could just, for once, have it all cleaned up and have it stay that way. For a very, very long time.
But then I remember that those messes aren't just messes. They are the reminder of a life that is being lived with people that I love. The dishes that I wash were used to share a meal and conversation together. The toys that I pick up were played with by a little girl and her daddy. The books and papers that I am forever cleaning off the dining room table are tools to help my teenage daughter learn and grow. The socks that never seem to make it to the hamper are worn by my husband who works hard and long to take care of his family and the ones God has placed in his care.
Sometimes messes remind us that life is being lived and people are being loved.
As I was thinking about all of this it occurred to me that it isn't just my home that gets messy. My life can be really messy. There is hurt, rejection, disappointment. And grief. It can be so overwhelming at times...
Sometimes if seems as if my life is just a series of messes.
And sometimes I really want to run away from it all. Run from all the hurts and disappointments and worries. I want to go somewhere where life won't be quite so messy. My heart hurts so much from it all and it seems just too much.
But then I remember that those hurts and disappointments, even the rejection- they come from loving people. They come from relationships. The truth is that if you have any sort of relationship you take the risk of being hurt or rejected or misunderstood. But the alternative is to live in isolation, to play it safe. Relationships can be hard but they are what life is about. For every hurt, there are a multitude of blessings. People help us to grow. They encourage us. They love us in spite of ourselves.
Sometimes messes remind us that life is about relationship and relationships are messy.
I can't avoid the fact that most of the messes in my life are the result of my own messiness. I am a work in progress. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up my own messes. When I make progress in one area I realize I've neglected another. It can be so discouraging...
Sometimes I can be such a mess.
I get so frustrated with myself for making the same mistakes over and over. I try so hard to clean myself up and get it right. I spend so much energy trying to improve myself. But then I am reminded that it is impossible to fix my own messiness. I am reminded that I am in constant need of a Savior. He is the only one who can clean me up and make me right. My messiness leads me to Him. If I could do it myself I wouldn't have any need for His love in my life and what a sad life that would be... to live apart from Him. I can't even imagine it. I don't want to imagine it. So, I guess I can say thank you for making me so imperfect and messy because...
My messiness reminds me that I am in desperate need of grace.