I have been a horrible blogger lately. There are many reasons for this like a crazy busy summer, caring for a toddler, unpacking still, lack of motivation or ideas, and all sorts of other things that get in the way. But, when it comes down to it, I just haven't felt like it.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about why I blog in the first place. It started as a way to keep our family and friends updated about the adoption process and then it turned into this whole other thing and I am trying to figure out exactly what that is. I have been observing some drama unfolding on another blog that I follow. This is a popular blog with many followers and there is a lot of speculation going on about her and her motivations. While I have had my own doubts about her story at times, there is a group of people who are tearing her every word apart and it is all a bit much for me. I hate drama.
When I read some of the criticism of her motivations, though, it got me thinking about my own. Why do I blog? Some say that all bloggers are seeking attention or a book deal. Seeking attention would be a new one for me. I usually go out of my way to stay out of the spotlight.
As far as a book deal, I don't see that happening any time soon. I can honestly say that writing a book didn't even cross my mind when we started this blog. I have discovered along the way that I do love to write and I would like to explore that option in the future. So, I didn't start with that intention but I discovered a hidden passion because of my blog. I would say that I am grateful for blogging because of that.
As I read my blog, I can see the slow progression from just sharing information about the adoption to sharing my heart. This blog became an outlet for me to say the things about grieving that I could not say to anyone else. I was able to work through so much because I had these invisible friends to talk to and share my pain. I believe that I am further along in my grief journey than I would have been if I had not discovered blogging. And so I am grateful for blogging because of that.
I didn't start blogging with the intention of changing the world or changing anything for that matter. Along the way, though, I had people share with me that reading my words was helping them work through some things of their own or giving them a new outlook on something, or just making them realize that they are not alone. I realized that God can use my pain for His glory. Even through blogging. And for that I am very grateful.
I guess I would say I am an "accicental blogger". I honestly didn't have any real motivations or intentions other than sharing information but I discovered I enjoy blogging and it adds something to my life. Many things actually. So after an examination of all of these factors, I believe blogging is a positive thing for me for now. I guess, just like with all things, it is something I will have to reexamine at different times to check myself and my motivations. If it ever becomes about attention or anything else like that I would want to quit. For now, I believe God is using it to change me and challenge me and I pray that through Him it might actually be making a small difference in this world.