Saturday, November 1, 2008

Thank You!

Thank you! Everything in me says, "Thank You!".
Angels listen as I say my thanks.
I kneel in worship facing your holy temple
and say it again: "Thank You!"
Thank you for your love,
thank you for your faithfulness,
Most holy is your name,
most holy is your word.
The moment I called out, you stepped in,
you made my life large with your strength.
When they hear what you have to say, God,
all earth's kings will say "Thank you."
They'll sing of what you've done:
"How great the glory of God!"
And here's why: God, high above, sees far below;
no matter the distance, he knows everything about us.
When I walk into the thick of trouble,
keep me alive in the angry turmoil.
With one hand, strike my foes.
With your other hand, save me.
Finish what you have started in me, God.
Your love is eternal- don't quit on me now.
Psalm 138 (The Message)

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am an introvert with a capital I. I don't speak my thoughts aloud very often. It should come as no surprise, then, that I love to journal. In my journals, I voice the words that are collecting in my head all day long. Sadly, I have thrown many of my journals away in the fear that someone would read them and judge me or get their feelings hurt and many other reasons.

One of my college professors introduced me to the practice of prayer journeling and it has changed my prayer life. As an introvert, it is hard to outwardly express myself to God. I think about what I am saying and filter everything way too much. With journaling, I find I just start writing and it all comes out and then I can read it, and often I find some clartiy to all my jumbled thoughts.

Another bonus is that I can look back and see how far I have come or how far I need to go. Recently, I was going through my latest journal and I found some things that caused me to stop and just say, "Thank You, God!".

On January 31, 2008 I wrote these words, "I don't understand you but I believe in you. I'll still follow you. I'll keep holding on. I'll still keep believing that you will keep your promises. And I will praise you even when it hurts. I will thank you for my silver lining- Allie. Please bring the rainbow."

And beside that entry is this note, "Feb. 1, 2008- letter from Shaohannah's Hope. We got a grant. Thank You!"

God sent a rainbow.

On June 20, 2008 I wrote these words, "Please be with Anna. Help her to have her needs met. Please help us to be able to bring her home soon. Jesus, I am asking that you give us some pictures and approval to travel soon."

And beside that entry is the note, "June 23, 2008- Approval! Thank you!"

God granted my request. He answered my prayer in an amazing way.

Sometimes it is so hard to see the hand of God working in my life. I search, I seek, I pray and... nothing. It is as if I am hitting a brick wall, my words just ink on the pages.

But, then, there are the times that He moves in my life in such a mighty, obvious way! I would have to be blind to not see it.

But how many times am I blind to Him? How many times do I have my face turned, like Lot's wife, looking back? Looking at my failures, my regrets, my sorrows. And I miss Him. He shows up but I don't notice.

Tonight I say, "Thank you! Thank you for your faithfulness! Thank you for your love! Please don't quit on me now!"