Thursday, June 26, 2008

Even the Sparrow...

We are back in Jax now. It has been a long, long couple of days and the next three or four will be even longer. The journey is worth it to find Anna Grace. I am so full of gratitude to have the uncertainty and the waiting behind us.

I know this will sound strange to most of you but although I am feeling such joy and anticipation at meeting Anna, I am also so aware that someone is missing. It doesn't seem right to be doing this without Emma. How I wish she were here to meet her little sister. Some think that a new baby will fill the void left by Emma. How wrong you are. I am feeling the void all the more.

Such a strange mixture of emotions but I know that Emma is here with us. She is a part of all of this and she sees so much more than we do. I know that she is where she needs to be and she is complete. I envy her. I long to feel complete. I don't have any false belief that my children will complete me or my husband will complete me or things will complete me. I even know that Emma coming back would not complete me. The only way I will be complete is when I join her in the place of completeness. It brings me comfort to know she is there but it still hurts.

I have been feeling all of these things over the last couple of days and I ran across a blog that had Psalm 84 posted. The writer of that blog had it posted for different reasons but I believe God lead me to it tonight for my own reason.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty!

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord;

my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

Even the sparrow has found a home,

and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young--

a place near your altar, O Lord Almighty, my King and my God.

Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.


Even the sparrow has found a home. Those of you who know our story know that the sparrow has a special meaning for us. Emma was our sparrow. Sparrows are not looked at as being very valuable to the world but they are very valuable to God. Emma was not considered valuable by the world's terms but to us and to Him she is a treasure. She has found her home and now she is waiting for us.

This verse was another blessing from God for me today. He always knows just the right way to bring me comfort. I know that He is telling me that Emma has found her home and it is alright to feel the joy of bringing Anna Grace into our home. Until we all find our way HOME.


Anonymous said...

I found your blog through your comment at Bring the Rain. Just wanted to say that I will be remembering you in my prayers are you bring your precious daughter back to her forever home.

Your children are beautiful!

Anonymous said...

I heard through the grapevine up here in Ellwood that you are leaving for Vietnam soon to get your lil precious one! I'm so happy for you and I wish you all safe travels there and back home!

Unknown said...

I came to you blog to let you know how excited I am for leave tomorrow!! Wow!! I am just so happy for you guys.

Thank you for always being so candid on your blog. I love hearing your heart. I know Emma is such a sweet girl. I love reading about her.

I will be praying for you.

With love, L

Crystal Olson said...

I just wanted to let you know that we are sooo excited for you. I guess adding to our excitment is that Anna and our little girl on the way will be close in age. It's always fun to have cousins your age when family gets together (plus you won't have to haul as much stuff back to PA for visits you can borrow!!). I'm looking forward to seeing pictures and hearing about your experiences. Thanks for sharing everything with us during this special time. You and your family are very special to us and are in our prayers!
Love, Crystal & family