Saturday, May 3, 2008

You are about to enter a no spin zone...

Into your life she came,
This gift from up above.
You will never be the same;
You were changed by her love.

You felt the joy she gave us all,
And though you held her tight,
One night she heard her Father call,
"It's time, Emma, take flight!"

After years of struggle and strife,
She finally left this earth.
The beginning of a new life,
A new body, a new birth.

When you need to feel her near
You can look up to the sky;
You'll hear her whisper in your ear,
"See, Mommy, I'm your butterfly."

I wrote this a while back and thought I would post it as I have little to say right now. Mother's Day is coming up and I am starting to feel myself sliding back down that hill I have tried so hard to climb. Does that even make sense? Anyway, I am feeling sad and depressed. I want my Emma back here with me. I spent the week with family and, although I enjoyed seeing them, I felt her absence so sharply. Sometimes I feel this sort of displaced feeling where I don't know who I am supposed to be around certain people. I realize then how much I was defined by Emma.

If I had a dime for all of the times people have said, "At least you still have Allie.", I would be very rich. Let me ask you, if one of your children suddenly disappeared from your life, would you not miss them just because you still have a couple of others? I didn't think so.

On second thought, if I only had a dime for all of the hurtful things people have said to me over the past two and a half years...


Crystal Olson said...

Oh, Stacey! What a beautiful poem! God gave you Emma because He knew you would be a mom that would love her unconditionally and consider caring for her an honor. There is no shame in morning for Emma. I honestly think that time doesn't really ease our pain, but teaches us how to cope with the loss. Emma has a special place of honor in your heart and life, and of course you will miss her until you are reunited in heaven. You are a wonderful, caring, loving mom that God has blessed with three beautiful daughters to celebrate this mothers day!

"When I said, 'My foot is slipping,' your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:18-19

Dean said...

Thanks for the beautiful words of encouragement. They really meant so much to me today! I know you must understand in a way that most people don't. Thank You!